11/7/2015 During Extra Life Stream: "Like Dwarf Fortress good?"
He has trouble getting off the TXKHotsauceNWA couch.
Cabbagetroll failed a pregnancy test once. It didn't come back positive or negative, he just failed it. Science never recovered.
Cabbagetroll is convinced that all druids are Neutral Evil. Coincidentally, no one has ever met a good Cabbagetroll. Cabbagetroll and his kin believe this to be a druidic conspiracy.
If you turn off the lights and close the door to your bathroom, light a Yankee Candle of an autumn flavored variety and hum the guitar solo of "Freebird." Spin around three times, then say "Cabbagetroll" into the mirror three times before blowing out the candle. You will now be alone in the dark in a bathroom smelling like pumpkin and vanilla, and will be glad no one can see how embarrassed you feel. But Cabbagetroll saw. He will chuckle to himself, then write a new conspiracy theory about druids.
The only weakness of the Cabbagetroll is a mystery, but crabs and Daoism are known to make him nervous. The one who knows was locked away eons ago, in a padded room in a dark tower.
Cabbagetroll is the John Madden of video games, except for John Madden video games.